We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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