At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
