Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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