either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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