omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
