I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
