I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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