I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
