We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
