Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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