The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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