i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
