he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
