i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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