Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
