now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
