i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
