I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
did i walk over a car last night?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
