Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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