no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
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