You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
