woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
