Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
