I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
