dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize