This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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