He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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