Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
