What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just want to make out with him forever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
