LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
