I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
