This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
