I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
