My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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