this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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