I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize