Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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