hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
