I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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