so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
