so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
