that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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