my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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