Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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