I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
