He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
