While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
