If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize