so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
