she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They took my balls.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
