I'm eating all of the evidence.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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