Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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