I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
