Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
