Your face is a jimmy john
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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