Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
