Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
