she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
