He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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