This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
