she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
