I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
