just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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