I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
