"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
