i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
