Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
