We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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