living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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