My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
