If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
