so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
