Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
