Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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