so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
