I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
