is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
