i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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