By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
