the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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