oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
